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Kindle Books Written by AIs Vol.2021.3

Published by marco on

This is the latest roundup of book titles that my Kindle shows me when I’m not reading it. Long ago, I considered paying to turn off this advertising, but it’s proven to be so entertaining that I’m happy I never gave in and did it. This is a view into what people are reading or what Amazon would like people to be reading or … whatever. I simply observe and catalog. I also sometimes have to hide my Kindle in public places so that no-one calls the police for what they think I’m reading.[1]

Bad Witch, Good Familiar

 Bad Witch, Good Familiar

“A 12 year old witch learns of her magic. Her kitten, family, and gay best friend watch her powers strengthen. Can she keep them under control?”

I continue to be impressed with how utterly resistant people are to using hyphens or apostrophes (“12-year-old witch” here). It’s crucial to mention that her best friend is gay, of course. What good would she be otherwise? Somehow, this is already the second edition of this book. I commend the author for their success (I’m totally not even going to assume a gender).

Living Behind Infinity

 Living Behind Infinity

“Unlocking mysteries surrounding the deaths of a young girls parents aren’t giving clarity. The answers are opening a door that needs to stay closed.”

I think the AIs in this round have taken a step backward. Again, we’re missing apostrophes (“young girl’s parents”). Subject-verb agreement is similarly suffering here, “Unlocking mysteries […] aren’t giving clarity”? I love the author’s name because it’s clearly fabricated (apologies if I’m wrong). This book is a prologue to a presumably long and painful and inexplicably successful series. Or that’s what the AI wants you to think.

The Black Saint

 The Black Saint

“Batman meets Lord of the Rings in this faced paced fantasy action novel.”

I’m willing to hazard, should it turn out that this book was not written by an AI, that the author wrote “Batman meets Lord of the Rings” in their 3-ring binder in junior high school when the first lines of this book emerged, fully-formed, in their mind. It’s a pity that the editor couldn’t spare a second to fix “faced paced” (or to add any hyphens to “faced-paced” and “fantasy-action”). 40% chance this was an AI—it seems too sadly human.

Callie Awakens

 Callie Awakens

“Evil in Fort Meyers. MS-13 is snatching young girls off the street for the sex trade…until Callie puts an end to them with brains and Krav Maga.”

I can’t even with these author names. “Rip Converse”. Your parents did not name you that. You chose that name. You probably sat next to Timo Burnham (author of “Black Saint” above) and spitballed author names while they were scrawling “Batman meets Lord of the Rings” into their 3-ring binder. Callie uses both brains and Krav Maga. Good for her. She sounds like a catch. 40% chance.

Always Together

 Always Together

“A boy named Jack who’s lost it all, due to an obsessive girl who appears in his dreams for a supposed promise he’s told her with devotion and unity.”

I have nothing to add. That summary sentence is perfect. The author shoved everything they had into it and it shows. Bravo. 65% chance of being an AI.

Hacked

 Hacked

“A soft echo that vibrates the strings of an iron heart.”

This one is genuinely good. I have nothing snarky to add. 10% chance that this is an AI—either it’s a real person or we’re in trouble.

Fannie and the Firearms Factory

 Fannie and the Firearms Factory

“Charlton Chambers, the most ‘great again’ capitalist, invites you to open your eyes (and wallet) and take a tour of his fanatical factory.”

This is a tough one: it’s almost too on-the-nose for an AI. The book is obviously modeled on Roald Dahl’s book Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (known to many by the film Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory). The reference to “great again” is almost certainly a reference to Donald Trump, but I don’t know if the fanatical was intentional. Or maybe this book is a parody of the kind of book that liberals think that right-wing gun-nuts (their words) want their children to read? In Dahl’s (not Deahl’s) book, Grandpa Joe describes “Mr. Willy Wonka” as “[…] the most amazing, the most fantastic, the most extraordinary chocolate maker the world has ever seen!” So maybe they transposed a letter and got “fanatical” instead of “fantastic”?

Dead, Dead, Dead, the Little Girl Said

 Dead, Dead, Dead, the little girl said

“Harry and Cat team up with a petite, mouthy bodybuilder with an aversion to cats to hunt a killer. Trouble, confusion, and terror ensue.”

If “Bentley Dadmun” is the author’s real name, then I apologize for immediately thinking that there is no way that this could be a real name. The description is tantalizing but has that kitchen-sink feel that so many of these novels have. The title is haunting. I give it a 60% chance of being a book invented by an AI and a 0% of the book being as interesting as it sounds, even if you were into petite, mouthy bodybuilders (are we to assume a female bodybuilder here?).

The African Boy Legend and the American Girl Superstar

 The African Boy Legend and the American Girl Superstar

“Two legends of extraordinary talent, appearance and wisdom travel continents, the dream world and alternate realities to find love and championships.”

At first, it seems like a typically overpromising YA fiction book, but the blurb stumbles on the last word, “championships”. They find love and championships? What? And really, as if the title itself wasn’t too long (and painstakingly descriptive) already, the sub-title is just as long, “Adventure, Dreams and Sports in the Rip-Roaring 2020s”. What does that even mean? I give it an 80% chance of having been written by an AI. I almost forgot to even mention that the author’s name is King Atlas V. 90% chance.

When God Says No

 When God Says No

“This’s the story of two girls struggling to understand the value of being alive. The event is fictional because the truth is strictly confidential.”

I have never in my life seen “this is” contracted as “this’s”. Perhaps it’s a generational thing. Other than that, the first sentence is fine. I don’t even know what to comment about the second sentence. It’s nearly inscrutable and nearly comprehensible. It’s perfect. Thank you, AI. 100%


[1] I’m only half-kidding. The previous issue featured a book called “Precious Amber”, which was more than a little suspect.